One Year

One year ago today, the gift of prophecy was fanned into flame and revitalized, activating a journey that has drawn me into a new life of wonder in the Holy Spirit. This, the 40th year of my life, is the 20th anniversary of my baptism in the Holy Spirit. Today, I can articulate my God-given vocation, gifting, and anointing. Because of this, my entire outlook, self-confidence, and intimacy with the Lord has changed and grown.

Over this past year, I have learned many things. I started to write a post about all the things I’ve learned, but it was becoming much too long. Suffice it to say that He has awoken my heart, fanned the flames of passion within it, and mentored me step by loving step in this new walk with Him.

I used to crave approval from my parents and others when I was a child. After a series of bad choices in my young adult life, I lost that approval. Consequently, I had to seek God for my approval and worth, and it was life-changing. Even then, I never felt truly validated or settled, but I do now. With each and every independent confirmation of a vision, revelation of a dream, each supernatural act and intimate encounter with the Holy Spirit, I feel a life purpose like I never have before. I know without doubting that my creator, my God, my Savior loves me with a fervent, passionate, consuming love. I want to give myself to any purpose He has. I want to be in His presence and minister to the Lord. Today, it’s my highest calling.

What a year it has been. And in the last month or so, the Lord has been creating a desire within me to seek out more resources and begin to connect with the prophetic community. I hadn’t read a single internet article or facebook post about the prophetic (other than the first two books I read November 29 and 30th of last year) out of a desire to keep my personal, intimate journey with the Lord strictly with the Lord until He released me to come up under the mentoring and training of another. So I began to pray fervently that God would send people into my life who understood what I was going through. Who would not think I had some psychosis, was hyperspiritual, or attention seeking. I specifically prayed that the Holy Spirit would help me find someone within driving distance who knew anything at all about seeing in the spirit.

I suspect this next year will be full of even more surprises as I learn to walk out what He continues to pour in. I want, more than anything else, to know the heartbeat of the Lord. I want to communicate that to others, and open their ears to hear, so they can be delivered in the same way I have been. I want them to enjoy this immersive, consuming relationship with the Lord as well.

As I write this, I have zero blog followers. The stats for my blog come up every day, and there are zero viewers. Of course, no one knows about it. But it somehow fills me with joy to just see it like that. It is a great reminder to me that this journey is mine and the Lord’s. I know I will encourage many, and in the future, these posts will be important to pave the way for others in their own walk. So, at this time, the only person reading the blog is You, Lord.

And what can I say to you?

I am almost speechless. Thank You for everything You are. You are holy, worthy of all praise and honor. You give your children great gifts to be a blessing to Your body, and I am the sometimes bemused but ever grateful beneficiary of just being part of that process. I adore You. I am so excited about where You are going next year, and I want to just be right there with You. Teach me more and more what it means to lay down in the grass of Your garden with You, Lord. I am forever Yours.

The Ride’s Over

Tonight was a special service to baptize believers in the Holy Spirit. This usually consists of a few of us who have a prayer language standing up front, and the brave few who showed up for that service will come forward and receive the baptism. No one ever usually comes up to me.   But I stand up there and pray anyway in tongues and worship the Lord. This may seem strange that they avoid me, but I am the only woman in ministry here, and I know this makes a few of them uncomfortable.  After all, it’s a men’s addiction recovery ministry.  But I’m used to it.  That’s ok.

Incredibly, last night, five of them actually came to me for ministry. I was shocked! All of them, with one exception, received the baptism with the evidence of speaking in tongues. The man who didn’t receive seemed very afraid and not ready for it at all. He left as he had second considerations.

Interestingly enough, there was one man who came up and asked for a word of prophecy. I was surprised in that moment because no one has ever just come to me in a service and asked for a word of prophecy.  I’ve never broadcasted to anyone that I give words of prophecy, although a few know.  This man is new to our program.  At any rate, this was my first occasion to be asked to give a spontaneous word of prophecy before.  Most of the time, I see someone working or at church, and the Lord just highlights them for me, and I have a vision about them. Or even more commonly, I will just dream about someone who I might not have even met yet, and then very happily see them or meet them in the next day or few days.

This man was middle aged. When he asked me for a word of prophecy, I instantly received very clearly and directly from the Lord. I saw immediately that he was on a roller coaster. It was, in fact, the Big Dipper, at Camden Park amusement park in Huntington, WV. The Big Dipper is a great, big rickety wooden roller coaster. I rode it often when I was young, and if it wasn’t too crowded, you could just go again and again. There was a tunnel right before the end of the ride, too, and everyone would scream when they entered the tunnel.

I saw clearly that he had been riding over and over again on this roller coaster, but the Lord wanted to get him off of that thing. The Lord was hovering at the end of the tunnel, in the broad, blinding light of day, waiting for Nelson’s carriage to emerge. When it did, the Lord got into the seat next to him, and held Nelson’s hand, just as I was holding his hand in the natural. He said, “We’re getting off this ride, son,” and then the carriage slowed. They walked off and into a soft garden of rest and flowering herbs and beauty.

I began to just prophesy all this to the man while he wept. I felt the love of the Lord very strongly for him. And I felt the man’s heart too. Regret. Desire. Hope. I just kept speaking out of my lips exactly what I was feeling, but I heard something clearly, and so I shared it.

Betrayal.

I told him he would probably experience a betrayal, but not to be dismayed or discouraged. That the Lord would be with him, right next to him, and he would never let go of his hand.

He left and two days later, he had come to pastor and asked him to clarify what I had prophesied. He was apparently very concerned about the betrayal part. So, I went to talk to him where he worked, and we sat down. He had been concerned that the betrayal I mentioned might have suggested he, himself, would at some point betray the Lord. I cleared that completely up, even though I thought I had explained it clearly the first time. The thing is, when someone is getting a prophetic word that is really making them emotional, they may not hear clearly. I think that is why it is so important to follow up with the prophetic word you give someone and make yourself accessible so they can come to ask if they have questions.

He did, by the way, independently confirm the nature of the vision as descriptive to his journey at the moment.  That it was accurate.  I told him to keep looking out for confirmations and let me know if he found even more.

Furthermore, this man shared that he had also had visions and dreams many years ago, and it frightened him so much that he stopped abruptly trying to see anything. I shared with him my story about having problems like that, and how I had heard the Lord wanted to restore the seers, and he wanted to heal their eyes, as Jennifer LeClaire had said. I shared that there were so few who would press past that point to victory and operate in that gift, so when he felt he was ready, we would pray together and work on that together.

He has a long road ahead for recovery, but I am excited to see where the Lord will go with this man who may have a dormant prophetic gift.

She Talks to Angels

I was reading a passage that an angel of the Lord spoke to Phillip saying, “Get up and go south on the road that goes from Jerusalem to Gaza…” and it really focused my thinking on Cedric. Cedric, if you’ve been following my blog, is my angel. I don’t pretend to be an expert on angels. I’m just learning about how we co-labor with angels and what their function is. But it has been revealed to me that my angel is generally dressed like an ancient warrior, maybe even Roman. His name means “Lord of the Battle,” and since I’ve become aware of his presence, I frequently call out to him if I feel I’m under spiritual attack or need assistance. We play low worship music at night to keep him entertained with the worship of the Lord while we sleep, knowing he is watching over us.

Anyway, this passage got me thinking about Cedric. He has spoken to me very clearly at times, and not as clearly at other times. At this time, I asked if he would listen to me intently. And I felt as if he was. And I heard him clearly, speaking back to me.

“Why don’t you speak to me more often and more clearly?” I said, “This angel in the Bible, he spoke extremely clearly to Phillip. I want that between us. But sometimes I’m just not aware of your presence or what you’re up to.”

I’m the first to admit I don’t know what Cedric does with all his time. Does he go over to the dormitory and help the other angels out? Does he worship most of the time and only check back in to see what is up with me occasionally? Does he get irritated with me and tired of this assignment? In which ways can I relate to his nature, and in which ways am I completely different? How can I best co-labor with the angels in our midst, especially the one to whom the Lord has given charge of me.

In my mind’s eye, I saw then a vista of a large mountainous range. Cedric was making kind of this grand, sweeping gesture towards the widow. It was unknown territory. Cedric said, “The Lord is working with you, and you are just beginning this journey. The voices you hear are going to become more specific. You will be more effective. You will hear me better.” This is the general meaning of what he was saying. In essence, it wasn’t his fault I couldn’t hear as clearly or as often as I wanted. It was simply the byproduct of not having enough experience under my belt.

I actually apologized then, “I can’t imagine how frustrating it must have been for you probably the past few years. I’ve been so ineffective and not focusing at all on really what I should have been.” I went on, “I’m not going to let that happen again, Cedric. I’m going to be much more effective, and I want to work with you, co-laboring. If anything needs to happen so you can speak to me more clearly, I will cooperate.”

Then, I felt so much joy in the atmosphere. He said, “The presence of the Lord is everywhere here. It’s very strong. I’m able to be effective here.”

Calling, Gifting, Anointing

There’s so much good that can come from learning the fundamentals of giftings in the church – the ascension gifts, the gifts of the spirit, and other things. During this process, I am thoroughly studying a few foundational teachings. Right now, I’m on Kris Vallotton’s “Basic Training for the Prophetic Ministry.” It’s divided up into chapters with questions and discussions at the end of each chapter. It would be ideal to work through this with an instructor in a small group setting, but since I have just Douglas and myself, that’s what I am going to work with. I do the chapter and, at the end, discuss the discussion questions.

I have never thought of myself as being particularly spiritually gifted, although I do speak in tongues. That baptism of the Holy Spirit occurred after I had done a thorough study of the subject matter and then dove right in, having hands laid on me by Pastor Darrell Huffman in Huntington, West Virginia at New Life Church. And I did speak with tongues (May 17, 1997), and I continue to do so to this day, 19 years later. Wow. I’ve been spirit filled for 20 years exactly, and I just now thought of that. That’s so special.

So far, these gifts are currently operating in my life: The Word of Wisdom, Prophecy, and the Discernment of Spirits. These are the gifts within me that edify the church. I can speak in tongues privately, and I do so, but I have never given a public tongue in church or interpreted. I don’t believe I have the gift of healing, or of faith, or miracles. The exercise today at the end of the chapter was to pray for another gift I don’t currently have in operation. There is another gift that I think would specifically help me help others in my giftings, and that is the Word of Knowledge. According to the material presented (and I also know this to be true) I need to seek out someone who operates in the Word of Knowledge, and ask them to lay hands on me for an impartation. So, the quest is on to seek such a person. As an aside, I did try the Word of Knowledge gift earlier today, and it fell flat. Haha! Knowing what your gift isn’t is probably just as important as knowing what it is.

I have certainly nailed down my calling, gifting, and anointing though, after this intensive study and with prayer, and this is what I have. I will probably revise this as I go on, but I think this feels very true.

Heather is called as a prophet of Jesus Christ, by the will of God. As she has received the special gifts of prophecy, word of wisdom, and discernment of spirits, she employs those in serving others as a good steward of the manifold grace of God. The Spirit of the Lord is upon her, because the Lord has anointed her to bring good news to the afflicted. He has sent her to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and freedom to prisoners. Upon her sits the mantle of deliverance. She is a faithful servant to the anointed man of God. She sees, hears, and does what is in the heart and mind of God.

I had a wonderful time in the Lord as I was learning this, and I began to worship the Lord, sing, ministering unto the Lord, singing praises, and just magnifying Him. Then, something very special happened as I was singing in tongues. I glanced out my back patio, and there were five white birds with long bills perched right outside the door on the fence. They were all facing me, standing still as I sang. There were none anywhere else. Below them on the ground was a huge iguana who was also facing me, standing still. And in the canal was a great big duck, just floating still. It was just like they were worshipping God with me. I have never seen so many creatures just sitting there all together like that. I know it seems like a coincidence, but I knew that they must have been drawn to the presence of God. I felt His presence all over the house, all over our campus, all over me.

I’m very grateful I have access to this material, and I’m so glad He’s showing me so many things in His word that confirm what He’s doing in my life. He’s such a good teacher.

Independent Confirmation:   This same evening, I was going shopping.  I like to go to Lucky’s Grocery and Goodwill, which are right nextdoor to each other.  I prayed with a thankful heart all the way, just really basking in the afterglow still of the moment I had with the birds as I worshipped.  While at Goodwill, I saw a painting laying on its side as I shopped.  What a holy moment.  Look what the Lord gave me.  It’s a picture of a bird, singing in joy.  And there are five birds in a row standing and watching.  I had told Douglas about what happened with the birds earlier in the day before I went, so he got to enjoy the moment with me.  Furthermore, Sunday morning (the morning after), the next lesson in the Vallotton series described how the Lord speaks prophetically through nature.  I wonder what else He is revealing about the birds.  While I pray about that, I am overwhelmed with this thought:  God is such a romantic.  He’s one who pursues.  He is one who still draws close to my heart.  Of course, I bought it to remember.

 

 

Out of Nowhere

So, it happened.

Pieces are coming together of this puzzle. Or rather, I am learning bit-by-bit what the Holy Spirit is teaching me with patience and diligence. I felt as though He wanted me to invite someone to speak into my life, and so I invited Pastor Kathryn who declared an amazing, confirming word over me that she could not have known. This has activated a much more specific and dynamic seeing and prophetic gift, just in the last week. I also found someone locally who is a respected prophetic voice in modern charismatic circles who has written extremely practical books and articles about learning how to operate in this gift. I went to go see her Sunday.

But Friday, something happened that I had a notion just might.

My husband and I were faced with a situation in which we realized that an attack was underway. This wasn’t just some little incident, and I felt I was to blame.  I felt ashamed that I had let my husband down.  I was embarrassed, shocked, confused, saddened, and felt blindsided.

Yet, not really.

While most seasoned experts offer differing experiences in this gift I’m pursuing, one theme is pretty common: The personal, private, public, and spiritual attacks on your life and those the lives of those you love. The enemy does not want your gift in operation, and he will do everything he can to take you out.

The first time I read about this weeks ago, I silently wondered to myself, “What could the enemy really attack me with? I don’t DO anything. I’m a quiet pastor’s wife, and I work my little job, and I minister.” The Holy Spirit nudged me gently about a few different things, and I kind of waved my hand at it, as if to say, “Naaa.”

Wow.

I should have paid attention to that still, small voice. Because that’s exactly what happened. I got called on the carpet on both those issues that the Holy Spirit had brought to my attention the last few weeks. I feel like a mountain is being made of a molehill here, and there have been some miscommunications, and perhaps even some outright attacks, but I have admittedly left the door open for these in my procrastination and failure to take this part of the process seriously.

I am a three-walled city, as Bill Johnson would say, and my fourth wall has holes in it that I have allowed to compromise my security and integrity. Furthermore, I felt responsible for allowing myself to be vulnerable here, so I was in despair for a few days, crying out to the Lord for mercy. I wondered if He would just let me be ashamed because I was pursuing this gift. And how dare I do so, when I have left myself vulnerable like this with these little foxes that spoil the vines? These thoughts of despair I have not had for years in my walk with the Lord. I have not for a moment felt shame or condemnation. And I certainly don’t feel condemnation from Him. I was feeling self-condemnation, self-loathing, a real sense of “You idiot!”

I also feel a sense of betrayal. I pray for the people involved in this difficult situation regularly, and I think I might be one of the only people in their entire lives who pray for a few of them. I have tried to be in unity. I work very hard. I work all the time, more so even than I probably should, and I try to find balance.  But, I made a mistake.  Some of this is admittedly my own dumb fault for not listening to God.

I went through many different emotions the past few days, and it took some serious repentance, an inward look, some consecration, and submission to the Lord. The trial isn’t over. This morning, which was my first day back after the incident, I received even more of the sordid details of what seems to be going on to make this huge problem in my job and ministry. And this goes much more deeply than me simply leaving a door open for compromise. I truly am under attack. I am being lied against. I am being exaggerated against.  Someone thinks what they are doing to me is protecting them.  Someone is deflecting.  Someone is envious.

I am trying so very hard to keep my mouth shut and just let the Lord vindicate me. I know I have screwed up in some areas, but by far, my motives are pure, my heart is good, my hand is diligent, and I work very hard here. I know that the Lord does not allow people to abuse and attack me openly without acting. He will not allow me to be put to shame.  He has shown me this repeatedly my whole life.  I will not doubt Him now.

Having said that, I have come to terms with the fact that, if I lose this job, it will be the Lord moving me on to something else, something better and with an even greater opportunity to minister and provide for and mother my family.

Yesterday, I spent the day reading, “The Making of a Prophet” by Jennifer LeClaire. Sunday, we visited the Awakening House of Prayer, where she is the lead minister. This book has really opened my eyes about the “making process” and how the Lord works to remove the character defects in the one developing this gift. This attack is such a powerful confirmation of the vision I had of the Lord who has repeatedly told me He is going to remove all these character defects from me. He is doing just as He said He would. And He is making me.

It really hurts.  Initially, it hurt because of the shock that I could lose my ministry and job because I did not listen to the Holy Spirit.  It hurts now because, in my heart of hearts, I want to minister to the Lord.  I want to be that watchman.  I want to be with Him in the garden of His heart, and hear His voice.  And how can He share with me, if my walk is open to corruption because of small compromises?  How can I listen to His heart if I hear His voice telling me to do something, and I just act like I never heard it?

I cried out to the Lord the other day, and He heard my cry. He is doing the next necessary thing to ready me for the next steps. I submit to this process. I have had the most genuine sorrow and repentance in my heart that I have had in such a long time, and while I do not like it, it has resulted in a quiet joy that I feel securing my peace on the inside of me. All day I have felt it, even in the midst of the ongoing trial.

I don’t know what is going to happen, but Lord, this life is yours. My life is in YOU, Lord. My gifts, my passion, my reason for living. My ministry, my family, my heart. My marriage. My future. My past. My finances, my health, my self-image. All of this is in you, by you, for you, and for your glory.

In nine days, it will be one year to the day that the gift of Seeing in the Spirit, which I have had since I was very, very young, was reactivated for God’s glory.  In nine days, it will be one year to the day that I have been pursuing this gift, being mentored lovingly, patiently, by the Holy Spirit.  I feel like this last bit, these last few days, is like a crucible of highly intense pressure designed to seal in the purity of this year’s journey.

If the enemy thinks for a single moment that I am going to abandon my journey, lessen my pursuit, fall by the wayside in weariness and despair, or betray the gift giver, then the deceiver truly is deceived.  There is no way in hell or heaven I will give up now.

The Mantle of Deliverance

After the meeting at Awakening House of Prayer with Jennifer LeClaire, we were in the parking lot talking to a man we had met a few years ago at the home of Mike and Cherrie Kaylor, who are associated with Bethel Church in Redding, California. They both see in the spirit, and I recognized this man when we walked in, but I could not put my finger on where I’d seen him. We did finally connect after the service.

A woman who had driven up from Kendall was waiting for our conversation to end, however, because she wanted to be obedient to what the Lord was telling her about us.

She had tears in her eyes, and said, “I had to give this word for you. I see a mantle of deliverance over both of you, operating together, show you body parts in individual people that need to be healed and the spirits behind them, so you can call them out and they can be healed completely and delivered, not just from physical pain but also emotional and mental turmoil. This is going to be an extremely powerful deliverance mantle over your lives.”

She said she experienced this vision from the Lord when we were both standing, praying for a woman’s back to be healed after the service was over at Awakening House of Prayer.

This is confirmation of the prayer of Douglas that we would be able to labor together exactly in this way.  That when he would go to minister healing to someone, I would be able to see in the spirit exactly what kind of spirit is causing the issue and call it out to him.  He would be able to command it to go with the laying on of hands, and the person would be able to be completely set free.  This is independent verification of this prayer that the woman would not have known anything about.

Jim, Yemen, 1982 earthquake

This morning, I am having a vision. I just got done giving a burden over to the Lord. Trying to be extremely, instantly obedient.

The Lord says, “Kneel.”

I kneel.

He says, “What do you see?”

He is holding me, hugging me. In the split moment, we are laying in the grass field, looking up at the sky where all my burdens had been, as in the vision I had of the King of the World. All the “cares of life.” They are gone. Thank you, Jesus, they are gone.

Then, all of a sudden, it’s like He is far away again and up close. He holds His hand out, and I see cities on each of His fingertips of the upturned palm. The one I notice is Persian. There are mosque type roofs, Persian buildings.

He points to me and my eyes are filled with His light. In several of my visions, the Lord’s eyes are not visible, but in the sockets of His eyes are light. It is light that is flowing from Him. My eyes become light as well. The light flowed from me into all the cities, all those places.

I say, “Am I going to be traveling, going somewhere?”

He nods, “Yes.”

I don’t know if that means really traveling, or if my ideas are just going to travel, or what.

The light that is pouring through me is going to be pouring into these cities.

All of a sudden, I see His hand rake along the curvature of the earth. It was not a good, happy feeling. This is transitioning into a dreaded, terrible feeling. I get confused and begin to rebuke this, “No, no, no! Evil spirit, if this is an evil spirit, get out of here in Jesus name! I only want to see what the Lord is showing me!”

The Lord corrects me immediately, “No, this is Me.” He is raking His fingers along the curvature of the earth, and the earth is breaking up under His hand. He is showing me an earthquake or something.

“Where is this? What is going on? Is this an earthquake?”

I hear, “1982.”

“1982 earthquake?”

Immediately, I get up off my knees and get my phone to find out where the 1982 earthquake was. That was in Yemen. There was on in El Salvador and one in Indonesia that year. I thought about the cities on the finger, and the one that I saw had Persian rooftops, and Yemen is the one in my vision.

I ask the Lord, “What does any of this mean?” I am obviously not foretelling. This was 1982 in the past. Almost 40 years ago.

All I can hear is, “Jim.”

And that is all.

Jim, 1982, Yemen, earthquake.

The Marine

This morning’s service at our church was one in which Douglas allows the guys to ask questions. Anything they want – nothing is off the table! I think that’s pretty brave, and I don’t know of many pastors who would welcome that kind of open-ended atmosphere. He’s really in his element with it, though.

At one point, I heard a voice behind me of a new guy. I knew he was new because I had never heard him before, and I felt his voice contained a major heart question that should have already been answered if he had already been here for more than a month or two.

“How can we hear from God? You talk about hearing his voice, but how?”

We talk about this all the time. I find it fascinating that, for years, Douglas and I have taught men who have never been spiritual in their entire lives how to hear from God. There are people who have sat in pews for decades who have no idea how to hear from God. There are men who have been in our program for 2 weeks who are practicing hearing directly from the Lord.

According to a few opinions of the modern prophetic movement, a prophet is someone who teaches another how to hear from God. Or shares the heart of God. I fully believe it is the heart of God for people to hear and know His voice. One of the greatest joys of my life has been learning how to teach other people how to hear His voice. If that is the case, then we are certainly operating in the prophetic anointing when we teach this. And it’s true. I can feel the power and the heart of God infused with every word that is taught regarding hearing His voice.

The man asked, “How can we hear from God?”

Douglas replied with his usual answers about impressions, the voice of God, practicing the presence of the Lord, looking for His answers in nature and in the still, small inner witness. He then seemed to get a bright idea and asked everyone in the congregation to be still for a moment, and we were all going to practice hearing from the Lord.

He led them in a simple exercise, “Everyone bow your heads, and repeat after me. When you do, let’s all be quiet, and listen for God’s voice. If you hear something down deep on the inside, raise your hand.”

I got very excited at this point, because I know the Father. I could sense every angel in the room brimming with expectancy, dancing, twirling in the air as they anticipated that some people would clearly hear from Him for the very first time ever.

“Good morning, Father,” he said, “I love you.”

It got very quiet then. But in just a moment, I began to hear one laugh, and one weep. I heard someone in the back sob. There was quiet murmuring in disbelief and amazement, and I peeked up to see hands up all over the building. God was speaking to people. It was this holy moment that gave me goose bumps and reaffirmed our calling to this place a hundred fold in my heart.

After everyone had done that, Douglas turned his attention back to the young man, and He said, “I know your question was, ‘How can I hear the voice of God’ and I know you saw everyone else’s hand raised. These reactions were obviously genuine. But you… you did not raise your hand, did you?”

“No,” he said, without emotion, “I heard nothing. There was zero conscious thought.”

The moment he said these words, I felt he was overlooking something. I also felt resistance from the enemy, and I was disappointed. Still, I knew an impression had been made. I was sure of it.

Douglas said, “I sense that God did speak to you, but you heard it in your own voice, and so you have discounted the entire thought that crossed your mind of the answer.”

“No. I had no conscious thought. That is incorrect.”

I took a deep breath, and on with the service we went. Douglas asked Wesley to meet with him privately sometime, and they would talk through it. In my heart, I was just thinking, this is the kind of person who would benefit so much from receiving a supernatural confirmation of a prophetic vision or word. This is what the prophetic was designed to do! To help people hear God who have trouble hearing. The young man obviously had an interest, but he was not receiving God’s voice, or had a block of some kind.

After the service, many people came up to shake hands with both Douglas and myself separately. I am usually off on one side, and he’s on the other side, trying to get as many connections as possible. I finally made my way over to him where he stood with the young man who had was red-faced and crying.

Douglas said, “Welcome my brother. He was just now born again.”

I gave him a hug and was thrilled, but in that moment, I felt down deep in my spirit, “Marine.”

At this point, I did not need any further prompting, “I’m glad you’re here. Have you ever considered a career in the armed forces?”

His eyes widened a little bit, “I have always wanted to be in the Marines, but I need college credit to do so.”

I reply, “You will get 9 college credits here at Faith Farm while you attend.”

“I need 6 to get in.”

I reply, “You will get them. Stay here. We will help you. I believe you can become a Marine.”

This was an independent word and confirmation that occurred the moment after this man was born again.

Proceeding Carefully

I’ve just got done reading a few articles that are decidedly against what they term as “Experiential Christianity,” which includes seeing in the spirit, having visions from the Lord, speaking in tongues, experiencing the supernatural. I’m specifically reading criticism from the authors that I’ve been researching, like James Goll, Bill Johnson, Jennifer LeClaire, etc.

I understand that some people feel uncomfortable with experiential Christianity. I mean, my goodness, it makes me uncomfortable too sometimes, and it’s the thing I’m pursuing. I guess my problem with these criticisms is that if we do indeed hold fast to the Bible as our authority, the Bible ultimately points us to a vibrant, clearly experiential, spiritual walk with the Lord in which He revealed Himself to the people in the Bible using their senses and, yes, their “hearts,” which I keep reading over and over again these authors say is desperately wicked and cannot be trusted.

The same authors who are criticizing these ministers who say the heart/mind/senses cannot be trusted, keep repeating that we must use our heart/mind/senses to perceive the Word of God to know what is the true and inerrant word of God. You still have to use your brain to interpret the confirmation of the Holy Spirit that speaks the truth of the word of God into your heart. If your brain/heart is desperately wicked, then it stands to reason that God would, at some point, directly guide you to show you that you’re at least on the right track.  I believe this is what the scripture refers to as judging the fruit of a ministry and life.  If the Lord is in it truly, the fruit (or results) will glorify Him and bring others to Him.  That seems to be a great way of letting us know if our hearts/mind/sense are doing that “desperately wicked” thing or if we’re being successful in submitting our hearts/minds/senses to Him.  If we weren’t able to actually allow the Holy Spirit to control our heart/minds/senses, then it would be cruel of Him to ask us to do that.  And Paul asks us to do that nearly continually in the New Testament.

I find it fascinating that some Protestant ministers decry private revelation or experiential Christianity when we, as a reformed church community, fought and died for freedom against the Catholic doctrine of the papal and bishopric offices being the only ones who have the authority to interpret scripture. What is even more sad is that I do believe most of these criticizing authors have personally had supernatural experiences with the Lord, yet they doubt the authenticity of such in the lives of other believers. Even people in the Catholic faith believe that the everyday believer can have visions and dreams, and that gifting is alive and well in the church today.

I am so serious right now about pursuing this move of God in my life, and because of this, I do not want to get off into error. I do not want to be led astray by false prophets, erroneous methods, works of the enemy, or any of that nonsense. I have fully committed my imagination, my speech to the Lord. I am not perfect of course, but I am very aware on a constant basis of these commitments and my serious pursuit of how I feel God is leading me.

God, right now, I ask in Jesus’ name that you would remove every voice from my studies and research that You do not want me to listen to. I pray you would close every door that You do not want me to walk through. I pray in the name of Jesus that you would open up the right doors to deepen my faith in You, to lead me in how to properly deal with these visions and dreams that seem to be so accurate and useful in Your kingdom for your sons and daughters. You have always led me to truth in You, backed up by Your holy Word. I promise never to knowingly give some false vision or testimony. I would never lead someone to “another God” other than the Christ Jesus of the cross of Calvary, the son of the living God, Jehovah. I seek You and You only. I pray that You lead me away from any and all illusions and delusions, wrong motivations, wrong theology, and into Your marvelous and perfect light, your abundant life, undergirded by Your word and confirmed over and over again in my life. Let me never be ashamed or bring shame to Your name, Lord. Let my life be a testimony of Your goodness and mercy, so that men would be drawn to You, oh Lord.

The Pit

As I close my eyes this morning, immediately I begin to see a vision as the darkness in my visual field. This view gives way to sludge, like mud on a windshield. It just begins to run down slowly, and I see a pit filled to the brim with mud. All of a sudden, I begin to see someone reaching to get up out of the pit, grabbing the side of the ground surrounding the pit to try to pull himself up.

He is not being very successful.

He is really struggling. I can see his shoulders shaking with the effort he is using to get out of the pit in this mud he is in. All of a sudden, I see the hand of the Savior reach down, and He is pulling this man up out of the pit. I see Him not pulling very hard, as if He is just waiting. In this moment, I know what the man’s name is. I say, “Hold on with both hands!”

In the past, there have been visions I have had of other people and myself, and I go and help them out, or I break the chain, or an angel is breaking the chain. But this time, I see the Savior Himself, His hand reaching down for the man. He has one hand on the Savior and the other hand is trying to push himself up out of the pit. I say, “No, you’ve got to hold on with both hands!”  He finally takes both his hands, and he finally grabs onto the Savior’s hand with both hands. The Savior begins to pull him up to the point where the man sits, covered in mud, on the side of the pit.

He is just sitting there on the side of the pit with his head down, exhausted. I say, “Yeah, just take a breather for a moment.” Then all of a sudden I see the hands of the Savior again go over, and he takes His thumbs and begins to put them over the man’s eyes, just like the blind man in the scriptures where He spit on the clay and rubbed His palms. He put his palms against the man’s eyes, and he was able to see again. The Savior was doing the very same miracle.

I said, “The Savior is going to stir up the dirt all around your eyes. He’s going to stir up the dirt all around your eyes so you can begin to see. “

Then, the thought occurred to me in the vision, “You’re going to have to wash it away to be finally free of this pit, free of the mud. You’re going to have to wash it away. Be clean. Be free of the dirt. Clean off the dirt so you can get up and be clean and free, walk in freedom. Right now, I speak Freedom. I speak FREEDOM. You’ll get up out of the pit, that the Savior would pull you out, and you would grasp onto Him with both hands instead of trying to push yourself up out of this pit. Grab onto Jesus with both hands. Let Him pull you out and save you. Let Him heal your blinded eyes, stir up the dirt, and then you can clean yourself up so you can walk in freedom.”

Confirmation November 16, 2017 by this man himself that the word was for him.  He had been struggling in the program to be able to figure out how to actually come out of the mindset he was in and walk in freedom.  I did not know it, but he had actually gone to the pastor the evening before this vision and asked how he could finally find this freedom.  The pastor (Douglas) did not mention it to me at all, and I was busy with others at this time, so I did not see it happen.  Furthermore, I did not know his name, even if I had seen him.