Battle Strategy

I love this picture, don’t you?  The hammock and the palm tree.

This is my battle strategy.  I think I’m just going to rest in the Lord.

I have no idea how I was blindsided by this attack of the enemy, because I should have been expecting it.  In fact, yesterday as I was in my kitchen, I had the thought, “Hmm.  It’s been pretty peaceful.  That’s awesome!”  I had this notion in the back of my mind that it might just be too quiet, and that there might be something going on – an attack of some sort – that I’m not perceiving.  Point in fact, that was a nudge from the Holy Spirit to say, “Get ready.  It’s almost here.”

I don’t want to make too much of the work of the enemy, but he’s definitely on the move.  The real force against me is my own thinking and wheel-spinning as it relates to the attack after it begins.  The actual attack itself can be dispatched in the Spirit Realm.

Several things are going on at once, one of them that doesn’t need to be detailed here.  But I have had this tremendous sense of being overwhelmed, burdened, alone, and deserted.  At various times and seasons in my life, I have felt this way, and I am sure it comes from a lie that has been inserted into my thinking.  It’s amazing that I have experienced pain associated with this, yet I have tried so hard all my life to get away from people and enjoy my solitude.  You can’t have it both ways.   You can’t want solitude AND get upset when you feel alone, deserted, and abandoned.

Here’s the truth.  I’ve pushed those closest to me away over and over again, and then gotten upset when I’ve felt abandoned and deserted.  There were also times in my life when I was so deep into my own issues that I, myself, abandoned and deserted my own loved ones.  Here’s another truth:  I have never been alone, abandoned, or deserted.  God has been with me since day 1.  And He is not insignificant.  I have a vibrant, communicative, nurtured, loving relationship with Him.  He actually does really help me.  Really.  Like, when I need help, I call on Him, and within a short amount of time, here come the reinforcements in many different forms.  God notices me.  He loves to spend time with me.  How can I complain about people when I have such a fantastic friend that is always with me?

Just yesterday, I felt overwhelmed and burdened by a task.  I remembered that I needed to just practice the presence of the Lord, and He would be with me.  That I am never alone.  I did that, and ended up getting bunches done in a short amount of time, to my great relief and gratitude.  Still, somehow, those feelings of bitterness and resentment linger with regard to someone close to me.  It’s selfish and really short-sighted, because I am forgetting some major things here, and I actually repented this morning when I remembered them (as detailed above).  I am going to do some serious spiritual warfare going forward in changing my thinking, remembering that I willingly abdicate my right to be resentful and bitter because I am not the righteous judge I think I am, that I am guilty of my own faults, and where people fail me, God always comes and fills in that gap in the most marvelous way possible.

Second, last night I had a dream.  I set my alarm for 5, knew I should have gotten up at 5, and the Spirit even nudged me to get up at 5.  But I slept until 6, snoozing for an hour.  During that hour, I had a really stupid, carnal dream that made me feel bad after I woke up, for having it.  I have been actively lucid and participating in my spiritual dreams, but in this dream, I had no control over myself, and it was like I was watching a movie.  After talking to the Lord about it this morning, I remembered that I had really had a failure yesterday in my effort to enforce my resolution to consecrate my imagination to the Lord, and this was probably the result.  Also, I had not immediately obeyed the Holy Spirit when He nudged me to get up at 5.  Sometimes the Spirit nudges me to sleep extra.  The point is, I have to listen and obey quickly.  I didn’t do those things this morning, and I feel like this dream was the result.  I am really pleased, though, that I was able to at least work that out so it didn’t bother me all day.  Not all dreams are from the Lord, and I am relieved that I can tell the difference.  That’s called discernment.

So, here is the third attack –  I have to kind of laugh at this, but the rumor is (and see, I don’t even know if it’s true, but since it’s a rumor, there’s going to be that to deal with as well) that one of my vision confirmations was labeled “demonic” by one of my peers.  I know there has to be more to this story than that, but instantly, I was very upset by this.

I really don’t know why.  I should have expected this to happen at some point.  Every single person who moves in the gifts in a serious way, who makes a focused study of these things, is usually called into question.  People don’t understand the gift.  People get upset when they can’t control things, or when it appears to move outside the norm of what they believe should be part of spirituality.  Again, I don’t even know if it’s true that this has happened.  I’ve yet to get the details.  But immediately, I was hurt and confused and really angry.  I know the visions I have been having have been from God.  They’ve been confirmed over and over again miraculously.

So what is my motivation?  As soon as someone disapproves, I get upset?  Then why am I pursuing this gift?  Is it to please other people?  As soon as the motivation is to please people in any regard, I’m going to be disappointed, because someone is always going to disapprove at some point or another.  And you think I’d have already dealt with that issue in my life.  I am not a people pleaser, but let’s get real. I do love to see joy on the faces of my brothers and sisters, and know that I helped create that.  I would not label myself a people pleaser, however.  There is definitely a line there that I can’t cross.  My goal is always Christ, first and foremost.  When pleasing people crosses my boundaries and conflicts with the goals God has for me, it’s no question – I’ve got to do what God says.

No, I think my distress was because I was afraid this situation was going to negatively affect a new believer, and someone who was newly operating in the gifts.  I was upset for him.  I was upset for the confusion, and not being in unity (if the rumor is true) with the leadership.  I was upset that someone could make such a quick judgment based on their natural thinking without praying about the matter first or coming to me to clarify.  I dislike it when people make off-hand judgments about things that they don’t have a revelation about – “That’s demonic.”  “Oh, that’s of God.”  Those things said too quickly really trivialize spiritual matters that have much more gravitas and deserve more consideration.

Here are two things that have settled in my spirit this morning:

One, salvation belongs to the Lord.

I do not need to save myself in these attacks or battles.  I am going to be still and know that He is God.  I want to see the salvation of the Lord on my behalf for His glory.  I’m actually excited to see how this is all going to shake out.  I’m excited for me.  I’m excited for the new believer.  I’m excited for the leadership here.  I know God is going to uphold me, and it’s going to all work out for our good.  Salvation does not need to happen by my own hand or meddling or wheel-spinning.  It’s going to come through Him.  I’m going to remind myself of that repeatedly.

Two, I will not accept bitterness and resentment from myself any longer.

I will combat these feelings with an outstretched hand to love, to give, and to have joy.  I will forgive freely, the moment I feel a pang of resentment.  I am not the righteous judge.  God will make all these things right.  He is going to turn this situation around in my heart.

I am fighting this battle by renewing my mind and resting in the Lord.  I am going to be still, know that He is God, and see the salvation of the Lord.

Confirmation:  Two weeks after this happened, this person who had made an off-hand comment about a shared, confirmed vision of an angel as being “demonic” because God “doesn’t speak that way to people” was dismissed from our organization over something completely unrelated.